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| im really starting to lose track of how fucked up im getting all the time...
whatever. its entertaining at least, right? XD
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| so i've been drinking quite a bit as of late...
i dont know why. maybe it has something to do with Sam...
i went to knott's scary farm the other day with Lisa and a couple of her friends, and all i could think about was Sam... that and how much i wanted a fucking drink. i drank at work tonight, i drank last night, im drinking right now... i dont know. i mean i should probably chill out, but if i notice a problem then i'll cut it out. i think its helping... i mean before, when this whole thing was going on, i was sick. i couldnt eat. i was thinking about her all day, all night... when id wake up each morning the first thing i thought of was that id never have her, and id feel sick... but im starting to forget. i dont want to. god, i dont want to... but i need to. she stopped talking to me... but i have to accept that. and im getting better... im eating more, im playing guitar again... im even gonna try to get my scrawny ass back to the gym. i figured my school shit out... so i'm feeling more like i have control over myself, and i feel like im doing something with myself... i just have to keep moving, stay active... stay busy...
i can't believe i fell into the same trap twice. falling for someone who's in a committed relationship with somebody they want to be with forever... it's like running miles and miles, and just when i think it's going to end, i find that i have to run twice as far...
jesus... ill be 21 in a couple of months and i still havent been in a relationship. something's wrong with that....
well, there are worse problems to have. im grateful that this is what i have to deal with... until next time.
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| Norwegian Wood- The Beatles
I once had a girl, or should I say, she once had me...
She showed me her room, isn't it good Norwegian wood?
She asked me to stay and she told me to sit anywhere,
So I looked around and I noticed there wasn't a chair.
I sat on a rug, biding my time, drinking her wine,
We talked until two and then she said: "It's time for bed"
She told me she worked in the morning and started to laugh.
I told her I didn't, and crawled off to sleep in the bath
And when I awoke, I was alone, this bird had flown
So I lit a fire, isn't it good Norwegian wood.
I don't know why, but it makes sense to me right now...
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| haha... aw man.
never thought id see the day. i thought that was done with.
i guess i'll see how this pans out... figures it would come along after i worked so hard to get over it.
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| Have never wanted someone so much in my entire life...
She has those green eyes that pierce straight through into my soul. She has that undeniably, unusually, strangely unique personality. In anyone else I would be slightly put off by it, but not by her... It attracts me.
Her face. The way she carries herself... The way she says "Awww Maximus!" when I talk to her...
I'm done. That's it. I'm all hers... She's perfect... She has the biggest heart of anyone I've met. She would do anything for the people that she loves.
I probably won't ever have her... And I'm ok with that, because she's happy. And that's all I could ask for.
I'm in love, and I've never been more sure of it...
But things are going well... And I'm very thankful. So I'll leave it at that.
Goodnight. Until next time...
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